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| the rest of my post are going to be private now so thanks hope you like being a snoop
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| FUCK YOU ANYONE WHO IS NOT ME READING THIS ITS SUPPOSE TO BE FUCKING PRIVATE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - NOT BOWEN
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| Another day at Taylor Hall takes another 10 yrs off my life...lol but no for real today was almost like being set back, bo read my xanga 2 day he doesn't know that most of my post are private, I think i might tell him, or i might not i kinda feel embarrassed. Bo told me he doesn't fell the same way about me as he did before when "we first started out" I thought my heart was ripped to shreds yesterday but life wanted to shit on me some more.....I don't know what to do, I guess it doesn't matter how much you love someone if they don't love you back..
But I want to know! How do you fall out of love??? I mean just yesterday he said he loved me. He looked in my eyes and he held me in the bed yesterday and he told me that he cared SOOO much and he LOVED me... I think maybe i forced that out of him cuz i was pushing for an answer... I just wanted to hear I love you... I am an idiot I am too insecure =[ I shoulda left it alone and maybe i wouldn't have made him come to that conclusion. But I'm still not giving up.
I think i know where the problem lyes and its with me... I was explaining this to Bo, I've realized that in order for us to have a good relationship, First I ave to have a good relationship with myself. I've realized that I have so much inner chaos that and so many things inside me that i haven't let go of that i could never truly be good with anyone even myself until I'm will ready and strong enough to let those things go.
Im Ready.. Im ready to love myself. I've always thought someone had to love me in order for me to be good enough. But it doesnt matter if Bo loves me or not ( I mean it MATTERS) but it matters MORE that I love myself.
I have plenty I should love myself for! Im not gonna let myself be so down! Bo is really lucky to have me love him I am a loyal and commited woman to him I am smart and beautiful Im going to make something of my self i will be happy and successful! And the things that are flaws, like my temper and "craziness" I know Iam now mature enough to be able to take my problems by the scruff of the neck and boot them and even though i love bowen with all my heart. I dont need anyone when it comes to changing those things I am strong enough I dont need a man to make me who i am. I am no less of a woman I am no less of Grace no matter if he loves me or not.
Bo said he would try with me were gonna tlka more tomorow about things we can do t fix th relaionship etc. Im gonna go crawl in bed with him now cross ur fingers i don't wake him up!
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| I think its funny how when i try to write a love song, I can't get anywhere with it but when im sad words just flow....
BOWEN
Wake me in the morning,
when the sun shines again.
It's frightening when all I know
falls apart.
And all I know is you.
Hunger squeezes me tighter.
My soul sags with exhaustion.
Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights.
Weeping intensifies my anxiety.
Can tomorrow come without you...
here today?
The cheap chandelier falls on my face.
The plane explodes on the horizon
Pain is unrecognizable.
All I knew was you.
You.
My love.
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| So I walked to Bo's work cuz i was afraid he wasnt gonna have nething to eat all day so i brought him a hot dog and a soda, he seemed really happy to see me! When he was helping a customer he mouthed to me "I love you so much" it really made my day, but it gets better! He cam up to me and he told me that we were gonna work through this! its about the best news I've had it gives me hope. I know we can work through this we both love eachther soo much i know he loves me and cares for me he tells me how pretty i am all the time and i know he adores me, i just stress him out so bad sometimes, but I'm gonna try my best to make him smile and be happy I WILL NOT STRESS HIM I WILL NOT LOSE MY TEMPER I WILL TAKE CONTROL I AM STRONG ENOUGH OUR LOVE IS STRONG OUR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL I am listening to that song by the eagles "love will keep us alive" I think our love will help us through this.. i know it I BELIEVE 
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